Testimonies

I was born in the middle of the Depression in poor circumstances.

My father, who was an alcoholic, left us when I was three years old. Soon after, my mother put my brother and me into a boarding home. At the age of four, I began living the life of an orphan, which caused me to turn inward and become fearful of everything outside of my comfort zone. I wasn't truly an orphan, since I still had a mother - somewhere out there. She worked to earn money to pay for expenses including our room and board. Since my father left us, my brother and I drifted apart. He was two years older than I and was adopted before I was born. We never seemed to have anything in common. He frequently ran away from our boarding-out place, leaving me even more alone. He would often be returned just in time for us to move to another home.
     We ended up moving fifteen times before I started high school. By that time, I was even more inward and was determined to trust no one. At fifteen, I had already experienced more trauma than most people do in a lifetime. I was small for my age because I was born premature. Since I was vulnerable and an easy target, I suffered abuse by people who were supposed to care for me and suffered sexual molestation by older boys. This trauma left me even more withdrawn and fearful. I became the kid no one noticed or cared about. I continued to yearn for others to love me and envied boys who had a nurturing family home. Frequently switching schools made it impossible for me to complete a grade in a full year.

I did surprisingly well in my grades during my high school years, even though I was a social outcast. I did finally start to grow tall. After high school, I decided to join the Army with hopes of finding a new life. I was desperate for an escape from my worrisome use of alcohol and other bad behaviors I had picked up along the way. I looked forward to moving into manhood and leaving behind all the grief of my former life.
     In basic training, I was one of three who qualified for the Infantry Officer Candidate School (OCS), and I decided to go for it. Now was my chance to leave my old memories of abandonment behind, and become a man among men. I excelled in OCS and was in the top ten percent of my class. One heartbreaking day, the roof caved in on me. During a routine physical exam, they discovered a heart murmur. I had already passed five other exams with a clean bill of health. Now, not only was I unable to finish OCS, but I was forced to choose between a desk job in the ranks or discharge. I chose discharge and left the Army.
     My hopes plummeted into a life of despair and severe alcoholism. I felt like I was on the outside looking in - again. This feeling preceded more emotional trauma and failure.
     I married on the rebound of my great disappointment in the Army. After fifteen years of alcoholism and other addictions, as well as psychotic breakdowns, trips to the psych ward, and a long period with diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia, I left my wife and children. I tried to live some semblance of normality, which always resulted in failure.

On the verge of contemplating suicide, I found salvation in Jesus Christ!
- Don B Murray, Sr.